As I am writing this… my heart feels heavy for the departure of the blessed month of Ramadan. And there is so many reasons for it: The peace and tranquility that we get to experience in this month is unmatched. The daily visits to the masjid. The sound of beautiful recitation of the Quran. The time alone with Allah(swt), that we are much more likely to carve out during Ramadan than other times of the year.
But probably the biggest cause of this heavy feeling is wondering whether we gained Allah’s forgiveness. And… “Will I even make it until the next Ramadan?”
I am writing about this type of sadness, because it is relevant at the moment. But I get that there can be so many other reasons why you might be feeling sadness.
While for some of us it’s the end of Ramadan that is causing the heavy heart…
For others it’s the guidance of their children. “Where did I go wrong in the upbringing of my child?”
And still others are stuck in certain relationships that they can’t get out of, feel confused, and wonder: “Am I entertaining negativity too much or is this person really stepping over my boundaries?
And yet others feel sadness in their hearts regarding chronic physical and mental challenges they have to deal with. Or the pain of the loss of a loved one that they have to carry with themselves throughout life.
Default response…
The average human being’s default response to feeling this kind of heaviness in their heart, is to want to stop it, push it away, run away from it, and not feel it anymore.
I would like to invite you to a new way of thinking regarding this uncomfortable, sad feeling.
Contrary to common belief, this pain is a welcome sign to reflect and grow further in our life journey.
As I am feeling all this sadness in my heart, I am realizing that in everything is Allah’s plan. And rather than pushing it aside, I need to ponder and reflect on it.
While reflecting on where the sadness is coming from and what the root cause is, it is equally as important to understand deep in our heart, that this life was not meant to be free of stress and pain.
As normal as we think it is for the day to turn into a night and a night into a day, it is just as normal to experience hardships in this life. And sometimes that hardship is in the form of pain in our hearts. Pain hits us harder when we have the idea of a stress-free and pain-free life in our mind.
So start by painting the picture in your mind, in a way where you expect hardships, very matter-of-factly. Your mind will have an easier time dealing with it when that pain comes your way.
Allah(swt) says in the Quran:
Our Creator has already told us that hardship and pain is part of our existence. It’s part of our test in this life. It is Jannah where we will be free of pain, and heartache insha Allah!
So when pain and sadness is part of this life, how can we navigate it? We don’t want to completely dismiss it, and at the same time, we don’t want to live in the sadness to the extent that it disables us from glorifying Allah(swt), being grateful to Him, and making ourselves useful in this life.
First…
Ask yourself: “What is Allah(swt) trying to teach me through this pain? What does He(swt) want me to get better at? And then turn to your Rabb. There is NOTHING like turning to Allah(swt) and giving all your sadness to Him(swt). In those times, speak the language of your heart to Allah(swt). Have a conversation with Him and speak with your heart rather than with your tongue.
Second…
Self-care is oh so important! I know many sisters who get stuck in sadness and stop caring for themselves. Take care of your physical body. I understand sis, it can be HARD to push yourself to go for a walk, or dress nicely, or to even do something as simple as taking a shower. But this body is an amanah from Allah(swt). Take care of yourself. Something as simple as taking a shower and then giving yourself a foot massage can do wonders to your mental and physical state.
Third…
Surround yourself with people who lift you up, rather than those who bring you down. Seek out those in your life who will speak words of encouragement and compassion. It is mentioned in our Deen and scientifically proven that we will become like the people we surround ourselves with. So choose the circles you want to surround yourself with wisely.
Fourth…
Avoid getting stuck to social media, shows, and other forms of addiction when you are experiencing sadness. Scrolling through social media for hours, watching one YouTube video after another, or binge watching a show is just an escape from reality. Once you come out of that entertainment, your pain will hit you harder. Remember? We don’t want to run away from our pain. Rather, embrace it, feel it and ponder on it.
Fifth…
Be a source of support and encouragement to others. The feeling that comes from lifting someone else up who is in pain, is in itself a cure to your own pain. Only the one who experiences pain can truly serve others from a place of understanding, with sincerity in their hearts. And it makes me wonder…if that is one of the reasons why we experience pain in this life in the first place? To serve the creation of Allah(swt)?
May Allah(swt) ease the pain in your heart my dear sis. May He allow you to grow and evolve into a better version of yourself through that struggle and in turn become closer and closer to Him(swt). May He grant you and I a place in His beautiful gardens where we will not have to feel this struggle anymore. Only joy and bliss!
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Assalaam Alaikum! Peace be unto you. I am Wajma. I am a Women’s Transformational Coach. I help sisters around the world pinpoint the areas of life they need support in, learn strategies to become the best version of themselves, and implement those in their daily lives. On my website you will find content that will help you heal and thrive in a holistic way! Ready to take the journey with me?