I guess it had to be my 30s when I realized this: When going through a tough time and experiencing pain and sadness in my heart, I was seeking understanding and validation from humans more than I was seeking that from Allah(swt). And the disappointment, oh the disappointment that I felt when I didn’t receive that understanding and validation from those around me.

Was I not able to fully explain what was going on inside of me and how I was feeling? Or was my situation really not that big of a deal and I was just making it a bigger deal than it actually was? OR…was it that the person I was trying to convince of my pain and hardship did not really care much?

Realizing that during my tough times I was trying really hard to seek validation from the creation has had a profound impact on my relationship with Allah(swt). In a good way, alhamdullilAllah!

We are social creatures…

Now don’t get me wrong…I understand that we were created in a way where we need human beings in our lives in order to go through this life successfully. In fact, Allah(swt) puts so much emphasis on maintaining relationships in this life. However, caring too much about getting validated by those around us becomes problematic when we expect the creation of Allah(SWT) to cure the matters of our heart, rather than turning to Allah(swt).

There are times when your heart feels extremely heavy!

  • It could be a friend who did not appreciate what you did for them…
  • It could be a sibling who “never really gets you”….
  • It could be a parent who never understood that you really did try your best…
  • It could be a spouse who doesn’t really understand the workload that you are carrying when caring for your family…
  • Or it could be a child who says: “I hate you!”… Forgetting all the sacrifices you have made for them.

It is in those times when, if we have our priorities mixed up, we go above and beyond in order to convince a person in our life how much we are actually trying, suffering, feeling overwhelmed, what our intention really is, how much we sacrifice, what we let go of in order to serve our family, and the list can go on and on.

My question is this sis: Will the people in your life ever understand you to the extent that your Rabb understands you? Will their words or recognition ever put ease and comfort in your heart the way that Allah(swt) can?

More often, they will likely disappoint you. And it’s not their fault! They are the creation of Alla(swt) just like you! The extent of support and peace they can give you is very limited. Real peace and sakeenah comes from Allah(swt)!

What I don’t mean…

Now that doesn’t mean that when something is not working out in a relationship, to just brush it under the rug and pretend like it’s not important. We have to give it our best effort to communicate and together with the people in our life come up with solutions.

But those times when your heart feels really heavy and you want emotional comfort… Sure, seek it from the people around you as well, but don’t expect them to ‘get you’ like Allah(swt) does. Don’t expect them to ‘cure’ the pain in your heart. Only expect from them some support, if at all, but expect the healing and the comfort from your Lord.

He(swt) is the one who is the owner of your heart. So place Allah(swt) in your heart. That’s where He(swt) belongs. Keep the creation of Allah(swt) close to your heart, but don’t allow them to take the place of Allah(swt) in your heart. Don’t expect them to cure your heart and your pain. They are on a journey too…just like you!

As always…

Understand dear sis, that it takes time and practice to understand and implement this concept in your life.
May Allah(swt) allow you and I to put Him in our hearts and hold His creation close to our heart. May He(swt) ease our pain when times are hard and give us hope and trust in His understanding and help.

If you are familiar with my work, you have heard about my course UNSTUCK. This is an online course with my 7-Step Morning Routine based on the Quran, Sunnah, and science. Through this course I hope to help Muslim women gain the mindset, skills, and confidence to become the best version of themselves for the sake of this Dunya and the Akhirah. Click here if you want to join the waitlist for UNSTUCK. I’ll make sure I send you an email letting you know that registration has opened again.

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